Blog #2: Short Hair, Long Hair, No Hair Don't Care!
Since I was little, I’ve had long thick hair. It was very long and luscious, like Pocahontas’s hair!
Until the world had other plans for it…I was diagnosed with Alopecia during my mid sophomore year of high school. Alopecia Areata is when your hair follicles stop to work and you start to lose hair from your body. There are three different types of Alopecia, but I just happened to have the most common one: Alopecia Patchy. This can be caused by stress or genetics, and there is no cure for this.
The last few years of high school was a rough patch for me, pun intended. I’m not the type of person who just blurts it out to the whole world or my school. The only people who knew were my family and a few of my closest friends at that time. It was hard going through this on my own because no one knew how I really felt inside. I had no idea how to handle this at the age of 15. Every day I put on a smile and pretended to be okay, pretended I was happy, but this was a lie. I had to mushfake this discourse. In James Paul Gee, "Literacy, Discourse, and Linguistics", he stated, “this seems to me like a good combination for successful students and successful social change” (Gee, 13). I couldn’t let anyone think that I was acting or being any different because I didn’t want them to find out the real reason what’s bothering me. However, deep down I was depressed, angry as hell at the world for letting this happen to me. Always questioning myself, “Is there a damn purpose to this?! What did I do to deserve this?!”
Transitioning to junior year, I had lost about 25% of my hair over the summer. I was insecure about my body, more so my head, especially when I played volleyball because I wasn’t so comfortable and couldn't move freely. Being the team captain 3 years in a row put a lot of pressure on me during this time, but the opportunity was so great I couldn’t pass it up! But I also couldn’t focus, giving me more stress and by mid junior year, I had lost over 50% of my hair.
At this point, there was no way any hair style could cover up these huge patches of baldness. So, I decided to get a wig. I found a wig that looked just like my hair! And boy, was I a happy gal! I couldn’t remember the last time I felt better about myself since this discourse, and I started to feel like myself a little bit more and happiness wasn’t a lie anymore. I was more comfortable and I kept telling myself, “Jenny, it’s okay if you’re bald. Be thankful that you’re not sick, you’re not dying, you’re still here, you have people who still love you, hair or no hair, so stop complaining and moping around.” I told myself this every day and each day I accepted the fact I had this condition and I was okay with it.
After a couple of months of wearing my new hair, I’ve noticed hair growth! By senior year, all the bald patches started to get filled in with hair! I cried with joy and I thanked everyone who put up with me for the past year and a half.
After all the tears, snots, headaches, swollen eyes, that Alopecia did to me, at the end of the day, I still believed that I’ll be okay. My primary Discourse was positivity. “This initial Discourse, which I call our primary Discourse, is the one we first use to make sense of the world and interact with others” (Gee, 7). I had positivity and I wanted the world to see me as a young lady who grew from this firsthand experience. Looking back now, I wouldn’t change anything that happened. Still to this very day, I am still diagnosed with Alopecia. From time to time I still lose hair and have small patches from being stressed out, and I’m okay with that. Because if I lose more than 50% of my hair again, I’ll be ready. Alopecia can suck it!
Hi Jenny! What a truly touching and open blog post! I cannot imagine going through what you have been through. I liked that you shared that positivity was your primary Discourse- because it was also the Discourse that you were entering or trying to achieve with your diagnosis. Basically, you were trying to keep your original Discourse, even though life had you wanting to change that Discourse to one where you felt angry, depressed, etc. I applaud you for your courage and finding the positive in an unfortunate situation.
ReplyDelete-Shelby Sass
Hey Jenny!
ReplyDeleteYour post really captured a sensitive time in your life and it was strong of you to share it in such a way that shows the positive that came out of it. I think that the primary discourse of positivity that you tried very hard to achieve definitely shows the type of person you are today. I find it very courageous of you to be able to turn, what most people would find unbearable, into something that has helped you figure out the type of personality and outlook you choose to have in rough situations. Thank you for sharing this part of your life.
Hello Jenny,
ReplyDeleteI cannot even imagine how it feel to fall victim to a condition such as Alopecia. I find it very courageous and admirable of you to share a secret like this with us. Losing your Primary Discourse of positivity for a while and forced to masquerade in a mushfaked Discourse of fake happiness must be hard. But it was inspiring how you were able to persevere through the hardship and even finding a wig to get through the ordeal of highschool was fortunate that no one noticed. A Primary Discourse is the equivalent of a person losing their true self, you feel empty without it; and taking it back makes it all the more gratifying. Bravo! Suck it Alopecia!
Hello Jenny,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate you sharing your story with us. I could not imagine going through something like that, the only thing close to that was when I head brain surgery in the fifth grade. Ever since the surgery I've had a small bald spot on the side of my head that the rest of my hair can cover up. By sharing your story it seems to me that you have overcome the insecurities that initially arose and I am glad you were able to overcome and conquer Alopecia.
Dylan Plaster
I love the way you identified positivity as a Discourse. It really can be part of any Discourse--and if it is part of who you are and you lose it, you have lost a great deal.. I'm happy to hear that your scalp recovered, but I'm more happy to hear that you regained positivity, a vital part of who you are.
ReplyDeleteHey Jenny,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I love what you have done with your Blog!
Secondly, just like Erin Flew points out I really liked the way you identified positivist as a discourse. It must be hard to project positivity when you're going through a lot but it's great that you've been able to identify and work on the attitude towards life.
Thanks for sharing!
Cody Edgington
Hi, thank you for sharing this. I enjoyed that fact that you opened up about Alopecia and informed me what it is and what it feels like to have it. You also didn't let it define you, you showed other sides of you suchas your gratefulness and optimistic. Does alopecia have any other complications? Why was it hard for you to open with your parents about how you were feeling at the time?
ReplyDeleteHi Jenny! I just want to start by saying you are so incredibly strong to share this personal experience with us. I loved that throughout your post you kept up with your Discourse, the entire time I read your post I could feel the positivity that you have, even when you were talking about the period in high school when you were losing some of your hair. I'm inspired by the fact that you didn't let your insecurity keep you from doing the things that you love and worked hard for.
ReplyDelete